Are you confused as to why people ghost you? It’s so common these days, and it leaves us feeling hurt, angry, and perplexed when we can’t figure out why. In today’s Best Day Blog article and the accompanying video, I will help you end that hurt and frustration by explaining why people ghost you, how you attracted a ghoster and what you can do to protect your mental health going forward.
What created the “Ghoster?”
Two things create the people who ghost you. The internet and the underlying emotional feelings within the people who ghost you. The internet has altered the communication landscape drastically. It thrives on separation – messages, emails, text messages. Since only 7% of all communication is words, texting and email are virtually not even communication. Even worse, If you call a person, they tend to be shocked. It may result in you being categorized as weird, threatening, or dysfunctional? Therefore the internet is creating a society that is horrifically underdeveloped emotionally. People can no longer communicate, and most are afraid of intimacy and connection. Think about the extreme rise in the viewing of pornography. This keeps us detached from reality and separates us from intimacy. Unfortunately, society now primarily pursues relationships through screens and not in person.
Perfectly Imperfect Parenting
The nature of being human is to admit that we all make mistakes and therefore we were all raised by perfectly imperfect parents who left emotional wounds in us. These traumatic moments sever attachment, and since we are a child, we are powerless to fix them. This fills the people who ghost with high levels of fear. It might be a fear of confrontation, sharing their needs and wants, or being vulnerable and intimate?
Some people who ghost are aware of their attachment issues and powerlessness but don’t know how to overcome them? Others are aware and consciously choose to ghost you. Regardless, being ghosted is very cruel – to spend time creating a relationship and connection and then, boom, it’s severed with no explanation is a massive abandonment. There are ghosters who do it once and are gone forever, and those who come in and out of your life, repeatedly leaving with no explanation. For someone to do this is abusive, there is no sugar coating this.
Why do people Ghost?
People who ghost will have experienced powerlessness and a lack of attachment as a child. To avoid feeling powerless and out of control as an adult, people who ghost use denial, detachment, and dissociation. To the ghoster, these feel like control and power because they allow them not to feel the pain from the past. Therefore, people who ghost have unhealed emotional pain from the past.
This type of trauma and abandonment causes the people who ghost to put up their defenses, deny what happened, and dissociate from the reality of their childhood. Therefore, it’s tough for them to admit that they might be faulty, deficient, or perfectly imperfect as adults?
Why We Attract People WHo Ghost?.
Many don’t realize that both the people who ghost and the ones attracted to them are part of the problem? On the positive side, that means those attracted to them can create their own solution. First, we have to ask ourselves, ‘what are the benefits of attracting people who ghost?’ You’ll likely say ‘none,’ but there is a reason that you are attracting them into your life. So instead of blaming them and saying they’re the problem, try flipping it and look back at yourself and think of all the ways you benefit?
Some of the benefits for attracting people who ghost:
You don’t have to commit to them
Lots of freedom
No accountability for your actions
The first step to attracting people who do not ghost is to get out of denial and into reality of all the.subconscious benefits the person who ghosts brings us. In many ways, you’re having your cake and eating it too because you have the attention, anticipation, and excitement of meeting the people who ghost while still living your life with freedom and no commitment – you subconsciously love it!
However, one of the most significant unconscious benefits is that both the people who ghost and the ones attracted to them treat the other as a light switch. In moments of sadness or loneliness, they switch the light on and reach out for some connection, but as soon as they get what they need, they switch the light off again, making excuses. The truth is, you have to be responsible for yourself and recognize what attracted you to the people who ghost you?
What are you afraid of?
Ultimately, what are both sides afraid of – connection and intimacy. Because of the unhealed pain from the past, both consciously or subconsciously recognize that they are fearful of a relationship. Depending on how deep the pain is, it might ultimately take professional help to conquer these inner fears. It’s challenging to do this alone because the individual is too close to it, and they won’t see themselves. Additionally, the fear of intimacy, abandonment, and powerlessness they experienced as a child blocks their ability to get help. Often they’ll come up with excuses that keep them in denial. For example, convincing themselves with arguments that’ It’s too expensive,’ or ‘I don’t have enough time!’
If you’ve recognized yourself as a person who ghosts or know that you’re always attracting people who ghost, the best solution is to work with a professional. We all need a guide to show us what we cannot see in ourselves.
If you’re unsure about one-on-one work, then my Complete Emotional Mastery Method for only $47 a month is perfect. It walks you through healing from your childhood pain, shows you how to go from fearful to fearless, creates intimacy and connection, overcomes codependency, and much more.
Here are more solutions? Pick the one that suits your needs best!