Here’s what most people don’t realize:
The real issue isn’t in the latest relationship strategy — it’s often rooted in your childhood experiences.

Think about it. As kids, we weren’t just growing physically.

We were also absorbing emotional lessons about love, safety, and connection 24/7.

• How did your parents show love?

• Were you encouraged to be yourself, or did you have to earn approval?

• Did you feel safe expressing your needs, or did you learn to silence them to keep the peace?

Those early moments shape how we attach, how we love, and how we show up in relationships.

For example — let’s talk about codependence.

Some people naturally enjoy closeness and caregiving. But often, what looks like codependence is actually survival wiring from childhood.

If you grew up in a home where:

• Love felt conditional,

• Conflict meant chaos or withdrawal,

• Your needs were ignored or minimized,

…then you might have learned that your safety depended on taking care of everyone else first. That being “needed” was the only way to feel loved.

And that’s just one example.

There are countless patterns like this:

• The overachiever who works tirelessly for approval because love was earned, not given.

• The people-pleaser who learned to shrink themselves to avoid rejection.

• The emotionally unavailable adult who never saw vulnerability modeled at home.

When people hear these examples, something clicks.

They realize: “Wait… that’s me.”

And that moment of recognition is the start of healing.

Because here’s the truth:

You’re not broken.
You were just never taught how to:

• Set boundaries without guilt,

• Trust that love won’t disappear if you’re fully yourself,

• Believe you’re worthy of connection without having to earn it.

The good news?

These patterns can change. Just like you learned survival behaviors in childhood, you can unlearn them now.
You can rewire how you show up in relationships, build real intimacy, and feel secure being loved for who you are — not just for what you give.

Healing isn’t about fixing what’s broken. It’s about nurturing the parts of you that were neglected.

So if you’ve done all the “outer work” in relationships and still feel stuck, maybe it’s time to go inward. To explore not what’s wrong with you — but what happened to you.

Because you’re not broken. You’re just unfinished. And healing those unfinished parts can change everything about how you love and connect.