The brain science behind “chemistry,” why you repeat your earliest
emotional experiences, and how to stop letting your Worst Day
Cycle™ choose your partners.
If you’ve ever felt that rush with someone—those butterflies, that pull, that
intensity—and you told yourself, “This is it. This is different.”… I want you to
stay with me.
Because what if the spark you call chemistry isn’t chemistry at all?
What if it’s your nervous system recognizing a familiar emotional
environment… and firing off the exact same survival program you ran in
childhood?
And I know, just hearing that can trigger something in you—fear,
defensiveness, resistance, even anger. That’s normal. You’re not crazy. You’re
trauma-trained.
But I’m not going to ask you to believe me.
I’m going to help you prove it to yourself—somatically, emotionally, in
your body—in less than a minute.
And one more thing before we go deeper: even if your “chemistry” is a
blueprint activation, that does not automatically mean you should run away
from the person you’re attracted to. It means you need to slow down and tell
the truth. Because if two people are willing to build Emotional Authenticity Method™
and live the Authentic Self Cycle™, that intensity can become healing
instead of repetition.
So let’s do this properly—intellect first, then your body, because your mind
can argue with the truth… but your body will feel it.
The neuroscience of attraction: why
“chemistry” feels so real
Your brain was designed for one job: predict and survive.
And here’s the part most people don’t understand: your brain makes adult
predictions using your earliest emotional data—the feelings you
experienced before you could think clearly, before you could speak, before
you could label anything.
That means your brain learned “love” the way it learns a language. Not by
logic. By exposure.
So when you were young, your brain downloaded what love felt like from the
people closest to you and wrote it into what I call your Childhood
Emotional Blueprint—your emotional software.
And here’s what shocks people:
Your brain didn’t decide whether what you experienced was healthy or
dysfunctional. It didn’t run a moral evaluation and say, “That’s toxic, delete
it.”
It simply stored it under: “Okay… this is love. This is connection. This is
what relationships feel like.”
So later, as an adult, when your brain detects familiarity—tone, posture,
emotional distance, intensity, inconsistency, a look, an energy—it can
interpret that recognition as attraction.
That’s why trauma chemistry feels like magic.
Because your nervous system is not looking for “healthy.” It’s looking for
familiar.
And when the familiar shows up, your emotional software runs automatically
—because the brain’s logic is simple:
“It must work. I’m still alive.”
If your love life has felt like disarray, I want you to hear this clearly: it doesn’t
mean you’re broken.
It means you’re running old programming.
It’s a software problem, not a hard drive problem.
Now let’s move from the part of you that understands… to the part of you
that finally believes.
Because the truth is, you won’t fully stop repeating the pattern until you can
feel the origin of it.
The 60-second proof: use the 3 Questions of
Emotional Authenticity
Don’t do this later. Do it now.
And if you feel yourself tensing up as you read, that’s not a sign to stop—it’s
a sign you’re close to something real.
Step 1: Think of the last person you felt intense chemistry
with
I want you to picture the last person you had butterflies with.
Not the person you should like.
Not the person who looks good on paper.
I mean the person your body wanted.
The person who gave you that heat in your chest… that pull in your
stomach… that charge in your system that made you feel, “This is the one.”
Okay.
Now here’s where the truth lives.
Step 2: Go to the first moment your body flinched
Not the fight later.
Not the betrayal.
Not the breakup.
I want you to go back to the very first moment the certainty shifted and you
felt something like:
“They’re not fully in this.”
“They could leave.”
“I don’t feel secure.”
“I feel confused.”
“I don’t know where I stand.”
It’s that moment your body knew before your mind admitted it.
Can you feel that moment?
Good.
Question 1: What am I feeling?
Not the story.
Not the explanation.
The raw feeling.
Is it fear? Shame? Panic? Dread? Rejection? Hopelessness? Powerlessness?
Longing?
It might be more than one. But don’t overthink it—pick the one with the most
charge.
Question 2: Where in my body do I feel it?
Now locate it.
Chest tight?
Stomach drop?
Throat closing?
Face flushing?
Legs buzzing?
Head pressure?
Or do you go blank and numb like your system collapses?
Don’t analyze it. Just find it.
Question 3: What is my earliest memory of having this
feeling?
And now comes the moment that changes everything:
What is your earliest memory of having this feeling?
When you ask that, one of two things usually happens.
Reaction A: A childhood memory pops up
Sometimes it’s instant.
Your dad walking away when you wanted connection.
Your mom smothering you emotionally after divorce.
A pastor, coach, teacher giving you that disapproving, shame-loaded look.
A household where love was conditional.
A home where safety came and went.
A dynamic where you had to perform to be chosen.
And if that happened, you can feel it, can’t you?
That’s the proof.
The pain in the “chemistry” moment isn’t new.
It’s old.
It’s your blueprint.
Reaction B: Resistance slams down
For some of you, a memory doesn’t come. Instead, resistance comes.
It feels like a garage door slamming shut.
Like the Great Wall of China going up.
And you can almost hear yourself saying, “No way. I’m not going back
there. My childhood was fine. My parents were perfect.”
If that’s you, I want you to breathe.
Because that resistance is also proof.
That’s your survival persona—the part of you that learned early on:
“If I feel the truth, I won’t survive it.”
So let me ask you something that your survival persona can’t argue with:
Do you notice how you do the exact same thing with the person who gives
you butterflies?
Do you justify, condone, minimize, or ignore what’s happening… even when
they pull away, chase you, betray you, manipulate you, confuse you, go
cold?
That pattern—right there—is the blueprint.
Because it’s the same logic you used as a child:
“If I don’t see it… if I don’t name it… maybe I can keep love.”
So whether you got the memory… or you got the resistance…
Either way, you got the proof.
The pain you feel in the moment of “chemistry” is the same emotional pain
you learned in childhood.
And yes—this is true for them too.
So neither of you is bad, defective, or broken.
You were programmed.
And programs can be rewritten.
Trauma chemistry: what “the spark” really is
Here’s the deeper truth that society never taught you:
Trauma chemistry is often two The Worst Day Cycle™™ blueprints activating at the
same time.
It’s two nervous systems recognizing familiarity and silently saying:
“This feels like home.”
“This person matches my earliest definition of love.”
“They’re predictable.”
“I know how this ends.”
“Run the program.”
Not metaphorically.
Somatically.
Emotionally.
Nervously.
That’s why it’s intense.
Because what you’re feeling isn’t just about them.
It’s your nervous system reliving an old emotional blueprint—and society told
you to call it “chemistry.”
And here’s where most people panic and get it wrong:
They hear this and think, “So I should run from anyone who activates me.”
No.
That’s not Emotional Authenticity.
That’s fear disguised as wisdom.
And it’s usually your survival persona trying to stay in control.
So let’s make this clean.
Does “chemistry” mean you should leave?
Not automatically.
If chemistry is blueprint activation, it doesn’t mean the person is
automatically wrong for you.
It means you need a different question.
Instead of asking, “Do we have chemistry?”
The real question is:
“Are we both willing to develop Emotional Authenticity, overcome
our Worst Day Cycle with the Authentic Self Cycle, and support each
other in rewiring our childhood emotional blueprints so we can build
a love that doesn’t hurt?”
Because if both people commit, you don’t have to run from activation.
You can use it.
You can become teachers and healers for each other.
And if you’re married or in a long-term relationship that started with
butterflies and now feels sour because you’re both stuck in your Worst Day
Cycles, here’s a simple move:
Send your partner this and say, “There’s a question Kenny suggests we ask
each other, and I want us to talk about it in person.”
Then ask the question above.
How to stop letting your Worst Day Cycle
choose your partners
When the chemistry hits, the fear rises, and the old wounds show up, you
have two paths:
You can run the old program… or you can rewire it.
And the rewiring happens through Emotional Authenticity + the Authentic
Self Cycle™:
Truth → Responsibility → Healing → Forgiveness
- Truth
You slow down, and you tell the truth in a way that creates connection
instead of conflict.
It sounds like:
“This is what I’m feeling… and this is where I feel it in my body… and this is
my earliest memory of this feeling… and I want you to know this isn’t just
about you—this is my blueprint activating.”
Truth ends confusion.
Truth brings your adult Authentic Self online.
Truth quiets the shame-based survival persona that keeps dragging you back
into childhood.
- Responsibility
Then you step into responsibility—not as blame, not as shame, but as power.
“My childhood shaped what I’m feeling right now, and it’s my responsibility
not to make you pay for my childhood feelings. You’re not to blame for how
my brain takes the faces and voices of my past and projects them onto you.
I’m doing that to myself… and I’m committed to healing it.”
And your partner does the same.
And if you can feel the difference in your body when you read that… that’s
because responsibility moves you off the childhood battlefield and into an
adult space of connection.
- Healing
Healing is where you replace the faulty emotional software.
This is where you learn processes like my 10-step process to give the
pain back, and you build the skills of Emotional Authenticity until your
nervous system stops confusing intensity with love.
- Forgiveness
Forgiveness is releasing the injury from the past so it stops choosing your
partners for you.
Not pretending it didn’t hurt.
Not skipping repair.
Releasing the past so your present isn’t run by it.
And in this context, forgiveness also means forgiving yourself for how long
you’ve been stuck—because it’s not your fault nobody taught you the truth
about attraction.
Two endings: same spark, same person, two
different outcomes
Same chemistry.
Same person.
Same blueprint activation.
Two outcomes.
Ending 1: The Worst Day Cycle ending
You feel the rush.
Then you feel the fear… but you don’t name it, you don’t locate it, and you
don’t trace it back.
So you do what you’ve always done.
You chase.
You over-explain.
You try to earn clarity.
You become smaller.
You become “better.”
You try to be what keeps love from leaving.
Or you go cold.
You withdraw.
You punish.
You detach.
You act like you don’t care.
Either way, you don’t get closer.
You just recreate the same childhood feeling:
confusion, powerlessness, hopelessness,
“What did I do wrong?”
“Why can’t I just be enough?”
And the relationship ends the way your blueprint expects:
Love becomes something you almost had… but could never hold.
Ending 2: The Authentic Self ending
Same rush.
Same fear.
But this time you pause.
And you don’t let the survival persona run the show.
You ask the three questions:
“What am I feeling?”
“Where do I feel it in my body?”
“What is my earliest memory of having this feeling?”
Now you’re not confused.
Now you’re conscious.
So you tell the truth—not as an attack, not as a demand… just truth.
“This is what’s happening inside me. This is old. This didn’t start here. And I
want to stay present with you instead of turning this into my Worst Day
Cycle.”
Then you step into responsibility:
“I’m not going to make you pay for my childhood. I’m committed to healing
my past so I don’t see ‘them’ every time I look at you… and I want to ask if
you’re willing to do this work too.”
And if they say yes, you build Emotional Authenticity together and your
relationship becomes a place of healing.
And if they say no, you still don’t chase.
You don’t abandon yourself.
You don’t beg.
You leave clean.
Because your Authentic Self doesn’t negotiate for worth.
If you’re resisting this… you’re still not
broken
If this is landing and you’re thinking, “Oh my god, this explains everything,” I
want you to hear me:
You’re not damaged.
You’re not broken.
You were programmed.
And you can rewrite your program.
And if you’re resisting, and your system is saying, “This can’t be true, it must
be my fault, I’m broken, I’m stupid,” or “My parents were perfect,” I want you
to notice something:
Those voices aren’t you.
That’s unhealed shame.
That’s survival programming.
And it’s okay if you’re not ready today.
You’re not behind.
You’re protected.
But when you are ready, you won’t feel what you fear you’ll feel.
You’ll feel relief.
You’ll feel lighter.
You’ll feel closer—sometimes even to people who never change—because
you stopped dragging your childhood into every moment of connection.
The bottom line: the spark isn’t love—until
you make it safe
Now you know the truth about attraction, chemistry, and butterflies.
You can keep calling your blueprint “love.”
Or you can start choosing love that becomes healing.
And whichever path you take, I want you to say it again:
You’re not broken.
You were programmed.
And when you’re ready,
you can rewrite your program.
Next steps (if you want to go deeper)
If this finally explained you and your relationship, here’s where to go next:
Learn the Emotional Authenticity Method (the 3 questions that expose
the blueprint in real time).
Practice the Authentic Self Cycle (Truth → Responsibility → Healing →
Forgiveness).
Go deeper with my books: Your Journey to Success and Your Journey
Being Yourself.
If you want real guidance through your specific blueprint: explore
my online University classes or schedule a private session.
Even if you do nothing else, at least now you can stop worshipping society’s
faulty definition of chemistry as truth.
Because when you commit to Emotional Authenticity… that’s when your
“type” stops being your trauma…
…and starts becoming your transformation.