How to Stop Obsessing Over Someone: The Love Addict Trap

If you can't stop obsessing over someone who barely shows up for you, this video explains why, and it isn't what attachment labels tell you.

How to stop obsessing over someone starts with seeing what the obsession actually protects you from.

In this video I walk through a real client session: two months fixated on a man she'd met a few weeks earlier, unable to remember anything he actually said or did, and then shutting the door the moment he finally opened up. From there we go into why love addicts turn people into a fantasy, why the avoidant partner is the one who gets chosen, where the pattern was installed in childhood, and the exact process for rewiring it.

The love addict carries two fears: a conscious fear of abandonment and a subconscious fear of intimacy. The conscious fear drives the chase. The subconscious fear makes sure real closeness never arrives. The avoidant partner lets the love addict keep the fantasy without ever facing their own fear of connection.

Love addicts build the fantasy out of the ten percent a person actually gives them, then ignore the other ninety percent. The fantasy is not invented from nothing; it is built on real but rare moments, which is why friends cannot talk the love addict out of it.

Intermittent attention is what gets wired in, not love. When a person shows up thirty-five percent of the time, the nervous system develops an emotional chemical addiction to that intensity, so a consistent, available partner registers as boredom rather than love.

A 2025 study of 232 people in the Journal of Ethnicity in Substance Abuse found that anxious and ambivalent attachment, not shame, was the significant predictor of codependency. Anxious attachment forms when a child does not receive consistent attunement.

The frameworks in this video: the Worst Day Cycle™ (trauma, fear, shame, denial) explains how the pattern got installed; the Authentic Self Cycle™ (truth, responsibility, healing, forgiveness) is the way out; and the Emotional Authenticity Method™ is the six-step process, including titration and Feelization, that rewires the emotional blueprint.

Kenny Weiss is a relationship, communication and childhood trauma recovery specialist, author of Your Journey to Success and Your Journey to Being Yourself, and creator of the Worst Day Cycle™, the Authentic Self Cycle™ and the Emotional Authenticity Method™.

TOPICS COVERED: how to stop obsessing over someone, love addiction, limerence, love addict love avoidant, why am I obsessed with someone, anxious attachment, fear of intimacy, fear of abandonment, codependency recovery, emotional blueprint

TIMESTAMPS

0:00 Two months fixated on a man she barely knew

0:42 You turned him into a fantasy

3:33 The love addict’s two fears

4:43 Why intermittent love is so intense

6:04 What chasing an avoidant gives you

7:14 The 10% glimpse and the 90% you ignore

9:10 Where love addiction comes from

10:00 The Worst Day Cycle™ in love addiction

10:49 The Authentic Self Cycle™

12:12 The Emotional Authenticity Method™

14:56 Feelization: rewiring the fantasy

15:38 Forgiveness and grief

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