Why You’re So Angry And Why It’s Not About Them

Why am I so angry over things that do not deserve it, and why do I hate myself afterward? The anger is real. It is just aimed at the wrong person.

This is a session with a client who stopped himself in the middle of an argument with his wife and said, I have so much more anger right now than is warranted for this conversation, and I don't totaly understand why.

Underneath it was not the money he was arguing about. It was displaced anger from a childhood in which his deeper needs and wants were never considered, landing on the person standing closest. We cover the Worst Day Cycle™ of trauma, fear, shame and

denial, the Authentic Self Cycle™ of truth, responsibility, healing and forgiveness, and the six steps of the Emotional Authenticity Method™ you can use the next time your anger is bigger than the moment in front of you. Displaced anger is a form of denial and self-deception. It is when we transfer anger away from the person we would like to express it toward and onto somebody who is just like them, because the original person was too big to be angry at and our life depended on them.

Anger is almost always either displaced onto a stand-in or turned back on ourselves. To find out which, write down anything you judge, blame, hate or criticize, then turn every you into I. What you say about them is what you are doing to yourself, directly or metaphoricaly.

The people you keep getting angry at are satelites, interchangeable versions of a parent you are stil angry at. Removing one satelite never ends the pattern, because the one at the center has not been dealt with. That is why no single relationship ever looks like the problem.

A 2020 study of 326 trauma-exposed adults in the journal Psychological Trauma

found that experiential avoidance fuly mediates the relationship between shame

and post-traumatic stress symptoms. It is not the shame that keeps a person

stuck. It is the refusal to feel it, which is exactly what displacement is for.

Kenny Weiss is a relationship, communication and childhood trauma recovery

specialist and an ICF Certified Professional Life Coach. He created the Worst

Day Cycle™, the Authentic Self Cycle™ and the Emotional Authenticity

Method™, and wrote Your Journey to Success and Your Journey to Being

Yourself.

TOPICS COVERED: why am I so angry, displaced anger, why am I so angry for

no reason, overreacting to smal things, anger and childhood trauma, emotional

blueprint, survival persona, self-deception and denial, victim position,

reparenting, emotional authenticity

TIMESTAMPS

0:00 Angrier than the conversation caled for

1:50 The pattern he could not see

3:04 Displaced anger, defined

3:43 Satelites: the same fight, new face

4:37 Where the anger was built

5:32 The research on avoidance and shame

6:08 Why blaming feels like power

7:06 My driving range: her, or my dad

8:30 The Worst Day Cycle

9:43 Truth: flip every you to I

12:18 Emotional Authenticity and titration

15:26 Feelization: rewiring where anger goes

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