Why You Feel So Alone - Even in a Relationship

Why do I feel so alone, even when I'm surrounded by people or in a relationship? The ache usually isn't about who's missing from your life. It's about who went missing from inside it: you.

In this video I share a client's story about a friend who sent her a passive-aggressive text, refused to talk about it, and answered her request for a phone call with "no promises." She couldn't understand why she kept holding on to friendships that were never reciprocal, and the answer led us to the truth she'd been afraid of.

I break it down through the Worst Day Cycle™ (Trauma, Fear, Shame, Denial), the Authentic Self Cycle™ (Truth, Responsibility, Healing, Forgiveness), and the six steps of the Emotional Authenticity Method™.

Feeling alone around other people is a sign of self-abandonment. When you tolerate behavior that goes against you so people will stay, they never get to know you, so you are already alone before anyone leaves.

The survival persona is the image a child builds to fit into a parent's world. As adults we keep putting up that image to fit into other people's orbit, and the more we give ourselves away, the lonelier we feel.

People keep unreciprocal friendships because they reproduce a familiar childhood feeling: I don't matter and I'm alone. The nervous system chooses what is familiar over what is healthy.

A 2023 study of 136 people found that childhood trauma teaches us to ignore our own body's signals, and that this habit was the only factor measured that linked childhood trauma to adult emotional difficulty.

Kenny Weiss is a relationship, communication and childhood trauma recovery specialist, ICF certified coach, and author of Your Journey to Success and Your Journey to Being Yourself.

TOPICS COVERED: why do I feel so alone, feeling alone in a relationship, how to be alone, self-abandonment, loneliness, one-sided friendships, survival persona, emotional blueprint, childhood trauma

TIMESTAMPS

0:00 Why you feel so alone around people

1:00 People tell you who they are

2:57 The satellites that keep you company

4:22 We're already alone

5:17 Where giving yourself away begins

6:44 What the research shows

7:22 My own recovery

8:35 The Worst Day Cycle™

10:30 The Authentic Self Cycle™

12:30 The six steps of Emotional Authenticity

15:54 You are not to blame

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