This is the fifth and final segment in the series on stopping stress. We’ve come a long way so far! In the first segment, we learned that the clinical definition of stress is actually fear. That’s why people are not overcoming their stress, or I should say fear because the media and medical communities are not dealing with the root problem. Instead, they offer topical solutions like pills and other “band-aids” Instead of providing us with emotional mastery.
We then learned that fear is always one of three things;
1- The fear of rejection.
2- The fear of inadequacy.
3- The fear of powerlessness.
In the previous segments, we walked through what causes these fears and how to overcome them.
In this final article, I want to give you real-life examples of how you can use the R.I.P. acronym to help you conquer stress at any point in life.
The first example I will use is the mask debate. Should we wear one? Should we not wear one? Everyone’s on different sides. People get very stressed out when someone either wears a mask or doesn’t wear one. So, the first thing we do is use the R.I.P. acronym. If someone is or isn’t wearing a mask, ultimately ask what am I feeling? Is it rejection, inadequacy, or powerlessness? Primarily this would fall under powerlessness. Remember, we can’t control others. So, we will need to shift our focus from what we can’t control to what we can.
Now that I recognize I am feeling powerless, what else might I be feeling? Inadequate because I don’t have the skills, tools, and knowledge to convince this person whether they should wear a mask or not. Ultimately, along with the inadequacy and powerlessness, now I am feeling rejection. This is my internal process showing me how I feel about myself and is predicated on whether they accept my reality of the mask debate as to their own.
What’s the solution when we start to feel powerless? Every time we want to control someone and have them do what we want, we focus on what we can’t change. Remember, we can’t control people, places, or things. The only person, place, or thing we can control is ourselves. The first place to start is to focus on when we are upset by someone going against what we want them to do. We stop and switch our focus from controlling them to controlling ourselves. Instead of getting them to wear a mask or not wearing a mask, we could decide to go to places where people wear masks or places where people don’t.
Now that we control ourselves, we eliminate the stressful situation by focusing on what we can change. Therefore we never put ourselves in that stressful situation. Now I no longer feel inadequate. I have the skills, tools, and knowledge to do what is right for me. I have created recognition within myself, and therefore, I no longer fear rejection.
The following example is about relationships. I struggled with relationships before I did years of research and self-reflection work. If we are dating someone and they start ghosting or not returning messages, this can stir up feelings of rejection. My biggest fear would be the thought, “What if she doesn’t like me?” I would start feeling inadequate because I couldn’t figure out what she wanted so I could try to get her to like me. Then I would begin to feel powerless! All three fears can be experienced in these situations and really get us worked up.
This is the point where we need to do some work on ourselves. We must recognize we are powerless over others and need to get back to focusing on what we can control. Like choosing to pursue someone who returns our calls and maybe even promptly! We mustn’t give ourselves away by chasing them and doing things against our morals and values. We try so hard to get them to like us that we end up lowering our self-esteem! Now, we are learning the skills, tools, and knowledge to fulfill our own needs and wants adequately. We are also learning how to stay in line with our morals and values. This will cause the stress to melt away, and a new you will emerge. Doing what works best for us gives us our power back.
This last example is one that I really struggled with, and it is about finances. I would get caught up in thinking, “I need more work, need to work harder, need more clients, how do I generate more cash flow?” and would find myself spiraling into the fear of rejection and powerlessness. I realized that I couldn’t control whether people wanted to get help or not; there was nothing I could do about that.
I am all too familiar with waiting until the pain is so overwhelming that we finally are motivated to do something about it. That’s how I started researching and working on myself. So, I learned that I would have to focus on what I can control. That’s why I wrote a book, “Your Journey to Success,” why I do videos, started recovery groups, and write these articles. I enjoy talking about how to heal the pain and overcome obstacles that keep us stuck, also passionate about it; talk about it non-stop.
I have attained the skills, tools, and knowledge to talk about these topics and feel that I am walking in my destiny. My life has changed so much. I want to shout it from the rooftop! It truly brings me joy to share the knowledge that I have acquired. Therefore, when I find myself in fear of R.I.P. I focus my attention on what I can control. I can do a video, do more research, or reach out to a client I haven’t heard from in a while. When I focus on what I can control, my finances take care of themselves.
That’s a wrap. You now have the simple to use steps to stop stress as you embark on your emotional mastery journey.
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