For centuries society has stigmatized, and science has incorrectly downplayed the importance of Emotional Mastery. But unfortunately, these factors have resulted in humans developing an emotionally self-destructive survival process to absorb the childhood injuries we all experience from perfectly imperfect caregivers. I call this process The Worst Day Cycle.
For humans to survive, we must form a physical and emotional bond with other humans. Unfortunately, because of a lack of education about how to do this lovingly and that we are human and will make mistakes, we all experience emotional pain and injuries from our caregivers. Since science and society have held us back from evolving emotionally, the best we can do as a child in those moments is to relinquish our inherent power and authentic self. As a result, we develop a shame-based false persona to survive the emotional injuries we experience from our perfectly imperfect caregivers so we can forge a necessary connection.
The overwhelming emotional experience of childhood injury, loss of inherent power, and adoption of a false persona create a fear-based traumatic emotional chemical addiction in the brain and body of each child. This emotional addiction becomes a mostly subconscious shame-based compulsion to replay the unhealed childhood injuries. The result is that each adult relationship/s, career/s, and health outcome/s will mirror the original childhood emotional injury they have yet to heal. The individual does this to regain their lost power (they are now in control of doing it to themselves) and as a way to let themselves know they need to heal the pain from the past so they can reclaim their authentic self. Sadly, the individual will deny their part because both society and science have not made them aware of the role they are playing in creating their emotional misery.
Successfully conquering The Worst Day Cycle requires healing the shame and facing denial by developing Emotional Mastery.
In doing so, the individual reclaims their authentic self by healing the pain from the past and discovering the ability to forgive their caregivers and themselves for their part in their life difficulties.
The end result is the creation of a new self-empowering emotional chemical addiction that embraces those perfect imperfections. The resulting wisdom allows individuals to reach their full potential and operate in their destiny. Most importantly, even if their caregivers never participate in the healing, the individual achieves a deep connection and acceptance toward them.
You can learn how The Worst Day Cycle is replaying in your life and how to overcome it here: Your Journey To Success!
Loving your perfect imperfections is a three-step process, and that’s where Part 1 of this five-part series starts because this is the doorway into emotional mastery, being able to heal the pain from our past, and reclaiming our authentic selves.
Learning to love and accept our imperfections takes three things, and, unfortunately, the first one is the most difficult!
One: Heal Your Self-Deception
Step one is to admit them! We have to become experts in our self-deception and how we deny and hide our imperfections from ourselves and others. Studies show that we lie to ourselves between 10-200 times per day. We all carry shame and pain from our past, and many people can find this very difficult to admit. What keeps us from the life we want is our childhood and being unable to acknowledge that our upbringing was not as perfect as we like to think it was. To be human is to be fallible, and therefore, parents are not always to blame. I personally believe that nearly every parent is doing what they feel is kind and loving but because society and science have not taught us Emotional Mastery they are unaware that no matter what they do, they will leave wounds that will affect the child rest of their lives.
Most people believe placing any responsibility on our parents is unacceptable, and disrespectful. That makes this a complicated truth to accept. Due to underlying shame and fear, any thought of challenging a parent will activate the inner child who will be fearful of getting in trouble or losing their parents’ love. That is in part how we developed the false persona as a child. Being unable to accept that our parents injured us and left wounds that we replay throughout our adult lives against ourselves is self-deceptive.
It’s an ongoing process to be able to face up to our self-deception. Recently I had to own up to a part of myself I had denied. Years ago, when I was going through a divorce, I lived in an apartment with a pool. My daughters just loved for me to swim underwater with them on my back. The problem was that no one had taught me about The Worst Day Cycle or Emotional Mastery, so routinely, I would come up with excuses not to play this enjoyable game with them. Even worse, the reason was that I did not want to mess up my hair.
Why did I make it about my hair and other excuses? Well, because of my father. My father was beaten as a child and had four kids by the age of twenty-two. He went straight from being beaten by his dad to becoming a dad himself and had no idea how to connect with his children. How could he? I remember asking my dad to hang out with me, and I’d see his whole body tense up, unable to bring himself to connect. That unhealed pain transferred to me. When my children wanted to connect, I embodied what I saw my father do. I relived what I was taught and what I experienced. Not because my father was bad but because my father was in pain. No one had taught him about The Worst Day Cycle or how to achieve Emotional Mastery, so he was just surviving. That is true for us all. We are all just replaying the pain from the past and surviving.
Step Two: Learn to Forgive Yourself
Unfortunately, as a child, we are too underdeveloped to deal with our parent’s perfect imperfections, and so we go into denial as a way to survive. You can’t be blamed for doing things you weren’t even consciously aware of so once you’ve lifted the veil, it doesn’t help to have negativity towards yourself for living a certain way without realizing it. This is where becoming an expert in conquering The Worst Day Cycle will help to show how you have simply been repeating the same behavior since childhood and it is time to forgive yourself.
Put a plan in place to accept your perfect imperfections and accept where you are right now.
Stop beating yourself up for your perfect imperfections! Growing up, you were shamed, rejected, or in some cases, beaten for your perfect imperfections. So, as an adult, you can’t forgive yourself for having them because to have imperfections could mean you get rejected again. The solution is to forgive yourself when you notice yourself talking and feeling pessimistic about your imperfections. Develop new mantras, for example, ‘I am doing the best I can,’ ‘I did the best I could with the information I had at the time,’ ‘As I know better, I can do better,’ or ‘As I know more, I can do more.’
Step Three: Learn to love your perfect imperfections.
Laugh at them, love them! My hair is a perfect example of being able to accept and laugh and love our imperfections. I often get disparaging or demanding comments that I should just shave it off because it’s barely there. I’m aware I have some mild dysmorphia. When I look in the mirror, I see tons of hair, but I am brought out of denial and into reality when I see a photo. It is then that I realize I have very little, and their comments are actually entirely accurate. Dropping out of denial and self-deceptions allows me to laugh whenever I get negative comments.
That is the peace we get from Emotional Mastery. Life’s journey is about learning more and more truth because when we are in reality, we can hear comments about our perfect imperfections.
When I don’t have to be perfect, when I can be human, I’m led to new ways to solve problems and continue my improvement. Achieving this requires work, and the work is to become an expert in our self-deception which propels us out of the victim role by taking responsibility.
To help you start this journey, I have a masterclass, ‘Your Journey to Emotional Mastery,’ and it’s completely FREE! This masterclass is at www.thegreatnessu.com. Additionally, I have created an excellent workbook, ‘How to keep our boundaries, which is a simple cheat sheet to help you address your perfect imperfections. The first step teaches you how to look at the truth so that you can acknowledge and embrace your perfect imperfections. You can download this for free here: Resources.
Start your healing journey today by embracing Emotional Mastery so you can learn to love and accept your perfect imperfections!
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